Yes, these questions are true expressions of our anxiety, but they’re also blunt instruments. In close relationships, we go through all sorts of feelings.
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Still, to calm the asker’s anxiety, they’ll come out biased toward inviting the reassuring answer.
These questions are not necessarily meant to coerce.
Men tend to misunderstand a woman’s need for reassurance – interpreting it as a complaint that he’s not a good enough partner.
You need to regularly make deposits of effort and love in order for a woman’s need for reassurance to be fulfilled so that she feels loved in the relationship.
“No, I don’t still love you,” or even “I love you but less enthusiastically than I did yesterday or will tomorrow” are not answers we can afford to share unless our bags are already packed.
They’re often leading questions one couldn’t possibly answer any way but the right way without unleashing a wrath.
Dear Lauren, When my boyfriend and I get into a fight he remains withdrawn for the rest of the day and isn’t as affectionate as he usually is. Therefore, you need to learn how to get the reassurance you need from the partner you've got…
I can’t help but worry I’ve ruined things and he’s having doubts about us. It’s easy to make assumptions about women who need reassurance. You actually did this when you asked for him to “say something nice.” But the magic happens when you’re even more specific and ask for the words you want to hear.
Unfortunately, we often feel that if we let our partner know how we feel about them once, our job is done. When I talk to couples about how much reassurance can help improve their relationships, I often get replies like, “Well, she should already know how much I love her. ” or, “I’m just not as emotionally expressive as he is. ” Gary Chapman mentions in his book, “One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up…The object of love is not getting something you want, but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.” And that’s definitely what love is all about.
The fact is, we all benefit from reassurance in a major way. Here are 4 things you should continue to remind your partner of on a regular basis: 1.
The words we use day in and day out with our partners are powerful.