Among lay readers as well as researchers, Cain’s findings have had a positive impact.
Since that never happens to me (and because it made me feel like a bouncy, shiny-haired cheerleader for the first time ever), I pushed myself to accept all the offers. If awful dates, which your friends seem to be able to turn into funny anecdotes on a dime, seem catastrophic to you, that’s okay too. And while we’re on the subject of dating fears, it’s okay if you want to cancel.
It’s important, first and foremost, to set some personal boundaries with yourself. It was a strange, atypical situation where a lot of fellas seemed determined to meet yours truly. Ignore your mother when she hounds you about grandchildren.
Maureen “Marzi” Wilson is a book-loving, pet-cuddling, pizza-eating introvert, living a quiet existence in the mountains.
She’s the artist behind Introvert Doodles.com, a comic series that explores the joys and challenges of introversion. Wondering how to get close to someone who loves to be alone?
There’s a problem with the one-size-fits-all wisdom commonly intoned during dating discussions (“Just put yourself out there! After jumping through the hoops of answering questions such as “where are you from? ” one too many times, you start feeling that dates are no longer probable sources of a deep, meaningful relationship, but rather deep, dark pits of despair. You tend to be sucked of all your energy as if you’ve been set upon by a Harry Potter dementor. Don’t feel the need to go into some long, drawn-out explanation either.
Because, as introverts, we often derive our energy from solitude and quiet contemplation in which to process life’s events, we have only so much social goodwill to go around. Just simply state that you need to reschedule, and offer an alternative date, time, and place. I’m going to pass along the best piece of advice my old therapist ever gave me.
Don’t: Don’t expect an introvert to get excited about going to a party or bar.
Chances are, your introverted date would need to slip outside for frequent breaks.
I like to drop little hints throughout my online profile about how much I value my quiet time; this roots out any suitors prowling for a party girl.